5 Years ago this week...
Today, most of you know, Kyle and I are going to be parents! Im 33 weeks today and we are more ready than the last time. I firmly believe that at that time we were not ready. We are older, more stable in our positions at work, just all around grown up. This is our time and we couldn't be HAPPIER :) Here is our story...
{This was written when Facebook didn't exist and Myspace was all the craze. Its past tense, but makes sence}
Kyle and I went on vacation on June 29th through July 7th, 2007. We went on vacation so I could meet my father, Ken. That went ok but…
We weren't even there for 3 hours and all hell broke loose. We started off driving for 20 hours straight. WE WERE TIRED! We got there and immediately wanted to do everything right then and there. Kyle REALLY wanted to ride the four wheelers so he did. We went to the river, it was up because Oklahoma was getting pounded with rain. Then we went back to the house for about a half hour when everyone wanted to go fishing. Jane said we should stay home and rest for the long trip. None of us wanted to. WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED! We went fishing and let me tell you IT WAS HOTTT!! Well not hot just humid! We stayed for about an hour. Krissy caught 2 fish (I have pictures). I couldn't ride the four wheelers because of being pregnant so when we decided to go back to the house Jane (Ken's wife) and I walked up the hill and decided to pick wild flowers. We continued to walk back when I hear what I thought was a helicopter. Jane said No, it's probably Ken waiting at the top of the hill for us. So we continued to walk and I kept saying it's getting louder? Well we got to the top of the hill and I see a four wheeler and no one on it. So we got a little closer and there he was, Kyle, lying on the ground. He passed out. I FREAKED OUT! His eyes were in the back of his head, blood all over his face, and he wouldn't answer me. I kept asking if he was ok. Nothing. I call, well not call, screamed for Nathan, Ken and Krissy. Nathan was the first to make it up the hill. Then Kyle started to come too. He said his shoulder hurt, yea well that's because it was out of the socket. Ken called the paramedic and they came and took him to the hospital which was 40 min. away.
My tummy was hurting to begin with so this didn't make it feel better. Well, we get to the hospital and they admit Kyle. I tell the nurse that I was spotting and my stomach was cramping a little. Well I have O- blood they said I probably need a rhogam shot. So I got one. I then waited for them to put Kyle to sleep so they can put his arm back into the socket. He looked so cute asleep. It took them about 20 min to get it back. That scared me too. I didn't want to spend our entire vacation in the hospital because he would need surgery. Thank god they got it back. It's about 2 in the morning by the time we got home. I was tired.
Saturday rolls around and Jane, Krissy and I did a girls day out. We went to flea markets, went out to lunch, then to walmart. Well, at walmart is where things went even worse.
I started to cramp so bad that I had to lean on the cart. I bought a bottle of Tylenol thinking it would go away. Well, on the way home from walmart, which by the way is next door to the hospital, we were about 4 minutes away from the house when I felt this huge gush. I started to bleed. REALLY BAD. From then on I was on the toilet, scarred shitless and crying, for 4 HOURS. Jane called the hospital and soon after we went to the hospital, again 40 minutes away. I get there and they tell me what I knew they were going to tell me. I was in the process of having a miscarriage. I cried, of coarse. Kyle was there with me. They admitted me and I was there for the night in the women's ward. By morning I was so tired. The doctor came into the room, he said, "well you can wait this out or you can have a DNC" either way I was miscarrying, so I went with the DNC. I didn't want to live with the pain anymore.
My life changed at that point. I was so sad. I grew up saying I didn't want kids. Of course that changed. I was so set in the state of mind of being a mother that it hurts to think that feeling is gone. I know things happen for a reason but it's hard to accept. Telling everyone wasn't going to be easy either. I didn't want to tell anyone. But I had to.
First person, besides the people that were there, was my mom. She didn't take it very well at first. After it all hit her she felt sad. She wanted to be there for me but kept bringing up the fact that it happened in Oklahoma. The second person that I had to tell is Ally. I am not sure how she took it? She didn't seem like she felt too bad. Maybe a little? I guess she does care she is my closest sister. She just kept asking do I think It would have happened if I didn't go to Oklahoma. I said I do. Things happen for a reason they don't happen because you are in a certain location. Then I got a surprising phone call from my aunt Lori. She was so nice. She said I know how you feel because she has been though it. Then, unlike my mother, she asked me how the trip was and how I liked Ken and his wife. That was a nice call. It made me feel a lot better talking to her. Thank you Lori. The rest of the people I had to tell are whoever is reading this. I didn't want to post it in a bulletin for many reasons.
Thank you everyone that is my friend or family. You all make me feel better with your kind words. I appreciate knowing every single one of you.
But it was the saddest week of my life....Was it meant to be?! I think so...
{This was written when Facebook didn't exist and Myspace was all the craze. Its past tense, but makes sence}
Kyle and I went on vacation on June 29th through July 7th, 2007. We went on vacation so I could meet my father, Ken. That went ok but…
We weren't even there for 3 hours and all hell broke loose. We started off driving for 20 hours straight. WE WERE TIRED! We got there and immediately wanted to do everything right then and there. Kyle REALLY wanted to ride the four wheelers so he did. We went to the river, it was up because Oklahoma was getting pounded with rain. Then we went back to the house for about a half hour when everyone wanted to go fishing. Jane said we should stay home and rest for the long trip. None of us wanted to. WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED! We went fishing and let me tell you IT WAS HOTTT!! Well not hot just humid! We stayed for about an hour. Krissy caught 2 fish (I have pictures). I couldn't ride the four wheelers because of being pregnant so when we decided to go back to the house Jane (Ken's wife) and I walked up the hill and decided to pick wild flowers. We continued to walk back when I hear what I thought was a helicopter. Jane said No, it's probably Ken waiting at the top of the hill for us. So we continued to walk and I kept saying it's getting louder? Well we got to the top of the hill and I see a four wheeler and no one on it. So we got a little closer and there he was, Kyle, lying on the ground. He passed out. I FREAKED OUT! His eyes were in the back of his head, blood all over his face, and he wouldn't answer me. I kept asking if he was ok. Nothing. I call, well not call, screamed for Nathan, Ken and Krissy. Nathan was the first to make it up the hill. Then Kyle started to come too. He said his shoulder hurt, yea well that's because it was out of the socket. Ken called the paramedic and they came and took him to the hospital which was 40 min. away.
My tummy was hurting to begin with so this didn't make it feel better. Well, we get to the hospital and they admit Kyle. I tell the nurse that I was spotting and my stomach was cramping a little. Well I have O- blood they said I probably need a rhogam shot. So I got one. I then waited for them to put Kyle to sleep so they can put his arm back into the socket. He looked so cute asleep. It took them about 20 min to get it back. That scared me too. I didn't want to spend our entire vacation in the hospital because he would need surgery. Thank god they got it back. It's about 2 in the morning by the time we got home. I was tired.
Saturday rolls around and Jane, Krissy and I did a girls day out. We went to flea markets, went out to lunch, then to walmart. Well, at walmart is where things went even worse.
I started to cramp so bad that I had to lean on the cart. I bought a bottle of Tylenol thinking it would go away. Well, on the way home from walmart, which by the way is next door to the hospital, we were about 4 minutes away from the house when I felt this huge gush. I started to bleed. REALLY BAD. From then on I was on the toilet, scarred shitless and crying, for 4 HOURS. Jane called the hospital and soon after we went to the hospital, again 40 minutes away. I get there and they tell me what I knew they were going to tell me. I was in the process of having a miscarriage. I cried, of coarse. Kyle was there with me. They admitted me and I was there for the night in the women's ward. By morning I was so tired. The doctor came into the room, he said, "well you can wait this out or you can have a DNC" either way I was miscarrying, so I went with the DNC. I didn't want to live with the pain anymore.
My life changed at that point. I was so sad. I grew up saying I didn't want kids. Of course that changed. I was so set in the state of mind of being a mother that it hurts to think that feeling is gone. I know things happen for a reason but it's hard to accept. Telling everyone wasn't going to be easy either. I didn't want to tell anyone. But I had to.
First person, besides the people that were there, was my mom. She didn't take it very well at first. After it all hit her she felt sad. She wanted to be there for me but kept bringing up the fact that it happened in Oklahoma. The second person that I had to tell is Ally. I am not sure how she took it? She didn't seem like she felt too bad. Maybe a little? I guess she does care she is my closest sister. She just kept asking do I think It would have happened if I didn't go to Oklahoma. I said I do. Things happen for a reason they don't happen because you are in a certain location. Then I got a surprising phone call from my aunt Lori. She was so nice. She said I know how you feel because she has been though it. Then, unlike my mother, she asked me how the trip was and how I liked Ken and his wife. That was a nice call. It made me feel a lot better talking to her. Thank you Lori. The rest of the people I had to tell are whoever is reading this. I didn't want to post it in a bulletin for many reasons.
Thank you everyone that is my friend or family. You all make me feel better with your kind words. I appreciate knowing every single one of you.
But it was the saddest week of my life....Was it meant to be?! I think so...
I remember this... I cried. I sat and looked at my phone and cried when you told me. =(
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